The World As They Know It

Cousins discussing a movie
Cousins discussing a movie

Laughing is a necessity to good mental health, and kids come with a built-in supply of it. It’s free…and the only thing the government can’t tax.

Here it is…the 4th in the series called, “How Many Kids (does it take to turn off a light in the kitchen).

All the kids in my life continue to supply the funnies based on the world as they know it.

PART ONE gave us the difference between the sexes from a six year old’s point of view, a former drill instructor and a rude 3 year old, tooth fairy revenge and the horror of a sick note on dodge ball day (How Many Kids Does It Take To Turn Off A Light In The Kitchen?).

 PART TWO explored interesting new movie titleselementary crime fighting, future politicians, and tag game negotiations (PART TWO: How Many Kids Does It Take To Turn Out a Light In The Kitchen?). PART THREE brought us Santa’s naughty list for boys, logical thinking, and too many princess movies (PART THREE: How Many Kids Does It Take To Turn Off A Light In The Kitchen?).

PART FOUR will explore LOVE- ELEMENTARY STYLE, clarity on elementary school terms, and some very interesting conversations.

Here goes:

A FUTURE NAGGING WIFE

A five year old boy is having a conversation with a little girl about a project that he is cutting and pasting in kindergarten.

Upon his first grammatical error she interrupted with,

Excuse me, but “cutted” is NOT a word!

THANKS FOR CLEARING THAT UP DEPARTMENT…

A young lady informed her teacher that even though girls are generally called DRAMA QUEENS when they stir things up, boys do it too. When boys create drama, they’re called DRAMA PANTS. 

SIBLINGS COME IN MANY SPECIES

Little girl to another girl: I have 3 brothers and one of them is a dog.

IT WASN’T FUNNY AFTER ALL

Teachers will always take up notes in class, usually from girls. But when boys write notes, they’re a little different…Here’s a note from one boy to another:

I just tooted so hard that instead of laughing, I had to frown!

ISN’T IT OBVIOUS?

Student one: I had a Chihuahua puppy once. He was so tiny! Pause. But he got ate by a Coyote.

Student two: Did he die?

Student one (rolling eyes): What do you THINK?

EXERCISE DOES A FINGER GOOD

P.E. teacher to a student: Why are you doing your push-ups on your fingers?

Student: I’m exercising my “flicker” finger. I need it to get stronger.

P.E. teacher: For…? Oh, never mind. I don’t want to know.

THEN THERE WAS THE PLAY BY PLAY BATHROOM BREAK…

A teacher took a first grader to the bathroom, and she stood helpless outside the bathroom as he began shouting a play-by-play of what he was doing.

OK. Now I’m..blah, blah, blah… and now I’m …blah, blah, blah…and now I’m flushing…and now I’m going to wash my hands...”

Sounds like somebody’s potty training went TOO well.

LOVE ELEMENTARY STYLE

A little girl was heard cheering on a Tennessee football team. Her teacher questioned her since her entire family has always been Georgia fans.

Well,” she began,”as you know, I’m in love with Sammy, and he roots for Tennessee. Sometimes when you love somebody you just have to try to like what they do.”

~~

A seven year old’s answer to how he handles a girl kissing him on the cheek.

“Oh, that’s easy. I just spit on my hand and wipe it off my face.”

~~

On the back of a valentine card from a boy to a boy…“This means nothing.”

OBVIOUSLY NOT FOUND IN A CABBAGE PATCH

One little boy asked another little boy (who had an Italian name) where he was from.

The second little boy said,

Well…technically, I’m from Italy, but my parents made me in Mexico.”

 SHOULD HAVE QUIT WHILE HE WAS AHEAD… 

A little boy was looking at my face a little closer in the light of the gym, and decided he should inform me that I had wrinkles.

Boy: Did you know you have wrinkles?

Me: No. I was not aware of that til NOW.

Boy: Well, you do!

Me: Thanks for telling me. I’m a grandmother, so I figured they would show up eventually. But, of course, not so SOON. 

Boy: And you have gray in your hair too!

A little girl was standing close by listening. As the little boy continued to dig his hole deeper, she decided to step in and save the day.

She stood between us, gave him a look of disgust, and said (smiling widely at me),

Don’t listen to HIM.  Giiiiirl, you’re nineteen!” 

Girls understand one another no matter what the age gap.

ALL IN THE FAMILY

A teacher recounts a conversation with a student that is the fourth child in a family that had all gone to school together. The teacher said, “I‘ve taught all of your brothers and sisters. Every one of you look alike except your oldest sister.”

Student: She looks like my babysitter.

Teacher: Oh? (not sure how to respond)

Student: (she continued) But that’s because she’s cold blooded.

Teacher: *thinking pause* Do you mean “blood related”?

Student: OhYeah, that. 

BEING GOOD IS HARD TO DO 

We’ll end on the note that boys and self control are definitely not related

When my son was in the grade son, being his mothers child, he had a hard time with his behavior grade in school. We had tried everything to discipline him but apparently, he doesn’t scare easily. So, I decided to try a positive approach. One week, he finally did it! He got all smiley’s! So, we headed off to the local store for some ice cream as a reward.

As I drove, I overheard a conversation between he and his sisters in the back seat. They were asking him how he did it (impressed that he COULD do it).

He said, “Well, when I’m in class, and somebody pokes me in the back, I don’t turn around. When I’m in line, and somebody tries to jump on me, I tell them, “I can’t”.  At the lunch table, I eat without talking.”

He sighed and then continued.

“But when that bell rings…and it’s time for recess…I run to the top of the bleachers and I SCREAM REAL LOUD!”

“Then, I run down, play real hard with my friends. And before the bell rings again, I run to the top of the bleachers…and I scream again.”

 Well, that’s it for now. I’m out of material until school starts again. In the meantime I think I’ll continue a series that I started called, “Ladies Days”.  Stay tuned… 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Tammy

    Lori Duff – I thought of you, the grammar nazi, when I wrote this one (referring to the little girl correcting the grammar of kindergarten boy),

    Upon his first grammatical error she interrupted with,

    “Excuse me, but “cutted” is NOT a word!”…

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