PART TWO: How Many Kids Does It Take To Turn Out a Light In The Kitchen?

Laughing is a necessity to good mental health, and kids come with a built-in supply of it. It’s free…and the only thing the government can’t tax.

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Close Encounters of the Mother Kind presents Part 2 of How Many Kids does it take to turn off a Light in the Kitchen?

For the answer, read Part One How Many Kids Does It Take To Turn Off A Light In The Kitchen?20150518_212520_HDR-1-1-1

Part one gave us the difference between the sexes from a 6 year old’s point of view (pink is the color of love so must be a girl color, green is the color of throw up, so must be for boys), A drill instructor mom and a rude 3 year old, tooth fairy revenge and the horror of a sick note on dodge ball day.

Today, we continue to explore the world through the eyes of five to seven year old kids. These are all true. I know, because they happened to me. Enjoy.

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First, a new twist on movie sequels…

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE: THE SEQUEL

Asked by a second grader that had a bathroom need:

“Hey – Can I use you guy-es bathroom?”

FORREST GUMP: THE SEQUEL

A seven year old girl told her teacher that she just loves onions! She said,

“I love them on EVERYTHING! You can fry ‘em, boil ‘em, put ‘em on a sandwich, put ‘em in a salad, bake ‘em, sautee ‘em, put ‘em in stew, put ’em in a casserole, put ‘em on kabobs,  You can put ’em on…” 

NEVER FIGHT CRIME (or school) ALONE

Elementary school has its giggles…and its problems. Sometimes they are of superhero proportions.

A week before elementary school gets out, we have every kind of “day” you can imagine: Pajama Day, Donuts With Dad’s day, and even a Superhero Day. They run together, so it’s hard to keep up; even for the kids, as one confused little boy learned.

One morning, during morning car riders, a little boy got out of his car with a Batman outfit on speaking with a manly, “superhero-like” voice. He looked around, and seeing NOBODY ELSE WITH A COSTUME ON, became worried.

With a quiver in his voice, he asked me if it was Superhero Day, and was ready to get back in his car thinking he had the wrong day.

Then, before I had a chance to answer, a 3 foot tall masked entity comes walking down the sidewalk in costume. The kid looked up at me relieved, and fell back into character as he proclaimed in a deep voice,

Oh wait…here comes Captain America…”

IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE 

During P.E. tagging games, the finishing tagger picks the next tagger (the tagging instrument being a green pool noodle).

A first grade boy negotiated the next turn with another six year old,  the current tagger, who had just finished a game and was looking for the next successor.

 “I’ll give you a nickel if you choose me”,  he bargained

The other kid, a girl, considered for a moment and shook her head in the negative.

The negotiator tried again.

“Ok. I’ll give you a quarter, but that’s my final offer.”

She put one hand out for the quarter and with the other hand, handed over the tagger. He grabbed the coveted reward from her hand and, running away, says, “Yeeeess!”

SHE POCKETS THE QUARTER and walking away, says, “Yeeeesss!”

Young politicians in the making.

Speaking of tag games…

BEST ACADEMY AWARD PERFORMANCE BY A 6 YEAR OLD 

The best way to be fair, is to have a boy tagger pick a girl next and a girl tagger pick a boy. One P.E. class time, when the bell rang to go, a young man in the second grade came to me very distressed.

I asked what was wrong and he asked why he had to choose a girl. I explained that we do it that way to keep students from picking their friends over and over so that everybody can get a turn.

 He sullenly replied,

Well….I’m don’t want you to feel bad or anything but…(pointing)…that boy over there promised me a Legoman if I picked him. Now I’m NOT going to get it, even though I’ve wanted one my whole life. But don’t worry about it. I’ll get over it….someday.”

He walked away slowly, with his head bowed, swinging his arms loosely in front of his body.

Wow. This kid is good! He deserved an academy award for the best “Italian mother guilt” performance I’ve ever seen.

The British are coming!

Two little girls were standing around talking while waiting on their parents to pick them up from school. Another young lady walked past them towards her mother’s car to go home, shouting out her goodbyes in an unfamiliar accent. Girl one turns to girl two and asks, “What kind language does she speak?”

Girl two said, “Oh, she’s Romanian. That’s why she speaks British!”

 Somebody needs to pay attention in social studies…

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Stay tuned for

PART THREE

where discipline, character and the holidays take a front seat.

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